Sexual life of a man after 40 (Part one)

What should be expected?

We should examine how your body has naturally changed over the years. The changes that have occurred are expected and predictable, and they should not surprise or upset you.

You should expect to need more direct stimulation.

One fact that a man must reckon with after turning 40 years of age is that spontaneous erections will no longer occur as quickly and easily as they did as a young adult. As a young man, simply thinking about sex, looking at your naked partner, or even fantasizing about sex could trigger an immediate erection.

Unfortunately, at this older stage in life, these types of erection will not occur. With the aging process, all physiological systems slow down, and function declines, including the systems that are responsible for achieving erections.

Woman and man in bed

A man in his forties often needs direct physical stimulation. In younger years a man could expect spontaneous erections. An erection could be expected with even a slight touch of the penis by a man’s wife. Now, the ability to achieve a spontaneous erection has slowly declined, which occurs less and less often. Nevertheless, a man will continue to believe he is able to achieve an erection on-demand because, without this ability, he may relinquish his courage to bother his partner for sex. Thus, a man and wife’s sexual encounters becoming increasingly rare while the man patiently waits for a week, two weeks, one month, etc. for a spontaneous erection, which ends up never arriving. Accordingly, a man realizes that he has become impotent.

There should be little doubt that it will become harder to achieve an erection with age. Therefore, it is important to understand that it is not necessary to have to wait for an erection without help. A man’s partner can help with the ability to achieve an erection. By using hands, mouth, breasts, or other parts of the body as well as encouraging more closeness, sensuality, and variety to sexual encounters, all of these things are likely to open a new chapter of a man’s sex life.

With the dedicated help of a partner, a man is able to overcome age limitations, which will allow for intimate encounters at any moment in time.

A man’s erections will lessen in strength.

The second change that will occur with age, which a man should be aware of is that erections tend to lose the feeling of “steel” hardness compared with experiences a younger man. Nevertheless, even without a rock hard erection, a man can still be expected to properly engage in full sexual intercourse with pleasure and satisfaction.

Hardness, for the most part, serves a cosmetic purpose. A man’s penis, even without being a ‘rock’ hard as a younger man, can still perform well during sex. The amount of pleasure experienced by a man’s partner will depend on how skillful he is with his body and penis as opposed to the level of hardness of the penis.

A man’s need for orgasm will significantly decrease.

Many men after reaching 40 years of age worry that they are not able to ejaculate with the same willingness and ease to which they were accustomed as a younger man. They mistakenly identify this change as an early sign of impotence. Unfortunately, instead of enjoying sexual experiences, older men allow themselves to become despondent and depressed. The need for ejaculation decreases over the years, whereas the frequency of sexual encounters can remain practically at the same level. Therefore, it is quite understandable that some sexual encounters finish without achieving orgasm.

Masters and Johnson (American sexologists) argue that for most men after reaching 60 years of age should be able to achieve one or two orgasms a week. Therefore, some men reduce the number of sexual encounters believing that each act must end with ejaculation. However, even if sexual intercourse ends with an orgasm only once a week, this is not the reason to give up the pleasure of making love two or three times more often.

Men should learn to accept this effect of aging on sexual function and learn to enjoy sex with or without it ending in orgasm.

If a man forces ejaculation to occur even in moments when the body does not want this to occur, these forced efforts can eventually lead to loss of erection. This, of course, can make it challenging to call ejaculation in this scenario a successful result. Instead of feeling a pleasant sexual experience, a man risks acquiring anxiety and uncertainty, always worrying if he will be able to achieve an orgasm for the next time. Furthermore, if still, a man does not understand these consequences, a man will eventually develop the fear of future sexual intercourse.

Remember that after reaching 40 years of age it is perfectly normal to not reach orgasm from time to time. Sexual intercourse can still be a very pleasurable experience and sensual regardless of whether an orgasm is achieved. It is not necessary to always achieve orgasm every time sex occurs, which is important since an orgasm cannot be forced. Just be sure to communicate with your partner that you do not always have the ability to achieve an orgasm so that she does not experience a feeling of guilt during sex. As such, having sex without the tedious task of always needing to ejaculate will add a new dimension to your relationships, making it more joyful for both partners to enjoy long and unhurried sexual intercourse.

The process lasts longer, and the pleasure is greater.

Now that you are not so focused on always having to achieve an orgasm, you will likely be able to enjoy longer sexual intercourse. This will also make for a more pleasant experience for your partner as women often need longer stimulation to achieve orgasm. Your partner will appreciate your sexual stamina, which will allow both of you the opportunity to make love longer and derive more pleasure from each encounter.

Do not rush for the next erection.

After achieving an orgasm, there is always a refractory period during which it is impossible to achieve a new erection. During this period of time, your penis is in the resting mode and unable to respond even to strong stimulation.

Back when you were 20 years of age, the time between orgasm and the next erection was on the scale of minutes. By 30 years of age, this refractory period usually lasts about twenty minutes; and at 40 years of age, this in-between period can last 1-2 hours. At 60 years of age, a man may have to wait a full day or even longer before being able to achieve a subsequent erection.

The need for an immediate second erection largely depends on the level of arousal. In an excessively heavy sexually charged situation, a refractory period often decreases in length resulting in a quicker ability to proceed with sex once more.

Here, as in many other cases, there is a key role played by being aware of changes that occur with the natural aging process. If too little time has passed after ejaculation and you are already trying for another erection, it can be expected that it is natural you will not be able to achieve one. Nevertheless, if such failure appears as unexpected for you and your partner, then it is inevitable that worrying and disappointment cannot be avoided by both parties.

However, having waited several days while giving yourself a good rest, you then decide to try for another erection once more, the anxiety caused by the previous failure will still be in your mind, and this will contribute to a poor erection. Put simply, self-fear and doubt can lead to the development of a temporary episode of impotence.
There is a simple way to avoid unpleasant erection experiences, just listen to what your body is telling you.

For example, if you are not able to achieve an erection simply because there has been too short of time since the last ejaculation, do not try to speed up the process. Instead, you should be aware that it may be better to wait until the next time for a second bout of sex. Try to make love without an erection, and instead caress one another with your mouths or hands.

It is important to understand that you can use manual or oral stimulation to satisfy your partner and help her achieve orgasm. As such, when your body is rested and again ready for love, you will be able to proceed with clear intentions and enthusiasm. Also, remember that if you have refrained from ejaculating, then you probably will not need a long recovery period. Therefore, if the erection has died out before you reach orgasm, do not worry because your penis will soon be able to regain its firmness.

Other changes

There is something else that begins affect a man after reaching 40 years of age. For example, during ejaculation, the stream does not erupt as rapidly as it once did while a youth. The truth is that the muscles responsible for this process are no longer as strong as they once were as a young man. Nevertheless, in general, this less strong burst should not in any way affect your pleasure associated with reaching orgasm. Ejaculation is not an event based on distance traveled.

While a young man you may have had feelings of an approaching ejaculation ahead of the real orgasm for a few seconds. This phenomenon was called “the sense of the inevitability of the onset of ejaculation,” since it is known that after passing this point, it is impossible to avoid a pending orgasm. As a man ages, he can expect to begin to notice that by the time this feeling comes, it becomes closer to the actual orgasm and almost merges with it.

A man may also notice that with aging, after an orgasm, an erection disappears much faster than when a younger man. This is an inevitable consequence of aging, but it should not affect your ability to have fun.

Read Part 2